January 10, 2012 § Leave a comment
I find myself in one of my more contemplative moods, after being inspired by a very chilling, yet simple dream I had this morning before waking up. Yes, I do dream more than the average person! Mircea sleeps peacefully beside me with his “nothing box” pulled out, as I slumber in deep imaginative terror, bliss or revelation…
He is by far the most sensible one in that sense. Why my brain keeps going like a locomotive I shall never know!
My dream last night finds me at an apartment building, in a condominium, pulling on my socks, getting ready for my high school day. Normal enough, except for the fact that I haven’t been in high school for nearly six years now! Alas, it comes back to haunt me.
I then run into a friend of mine (Eunice) whom I have known since my elementary school days. She tells me, “Yeah, Jo, do not worry, I’ll drive you to school in my car, I am going there too after all.”
Weird Fact: We never attended high school together or even lived in the same city during that point in time.
The dream carries on, we are sitting at a lunch table (still in the apartment building but in the lobby, not in the condo).
Eunice gets up to leave and I assume she’ll be right back. Another girl walks over to take her seat. This girl is someone who caused a great deal of trouble for me during some of my school years. Whether she was actually imbalanced, or just bitter due to her life’s circumstance I will never know, but there she was.
She pulls out a lip gloss (the kind that used to be cool in grade five) with the roller ball on the end. I could see by the packaging that it was strawberry. Holding it out to me she demands, “Try some on it tastes so good!”
“No”, I reply, “I don’t like to share lip gloss.”
She gets angry at me for this comment, as if I have somehow offended her.
At this moment I notice Eunice has not come back and it is nearly time for school. I panic.
When she left, I assumed she would return. Was she actually leaving for school? Did I miss my ride? Why didn’t I go when I could have instead of sitting longer?
What I couldn’t handle, most of all was the sinking feeling of being left behind. It’s not like it should have mattered, me being a few minutes late, or missing a day. It was just an average morning.
Waking up is when it hit me. The feeling of abandonment is one of the worst emotions the human condition can experience.
When someone you love dies you are left behind.
When you fail at a challenge you are left behind.
Yeah, maybe this was a simple dream, but it brought to light that core emotion of “missing the train”.
I do not know about you, but I’m not going to miss mine. Even if I have to wait a lifetime…